Butterflies, Chocolate and First Times
by LovelyDemon
Summary: Because Kissing Gilbert awakened thousand butterflies inside his stomach, touching him was like eating the Chocolate he wasn't allowed to eat before dinner, and for all the other First-times he would give the man without any second thoughts.
1. Chapter 1: Midnight Memories

**I do not own Pandora Hearts. **

**The beginning might be a bit confusing? If you have any questions or if something is bothering you, there is a beautiful 'Review' button at the end of his Fanfiction and also another pretty button with 'PM' on my profile.**

**Enjoy and tell me if you find any spelling mistakes. Autocorrect often tries to turn some of the English words in Dutch ones... Long live Belgium! We won with the Football! -I don't even watch football yet heard this news from at least ten people today. Stupid sports- **

* * *

Foolish, hazardous and perhaps a little addicting that's how he would have described the relationship with his younger servant, too be honest, he couldn't even remember how it all had started anyway. He knew it had been curiosity; at least that's what he has been telling himself this whole time. It was all just curiosity.

Nothing more nothing less.

It wasn't like he actually had any feelings for someone as wonderful as the young raven, even if that would be the case, he would have surely locked away those repulsive feelings in the deepest part of his core were no man wished to set foot, for there he hid many more secrets then the abyss itself.

He remembered the first time he had kissed Gil, it had been out of impulse, for a while now he had been getting distracted by those lips, whenever he caught his servant bite his lip when he was tense or when the teen would lick his dry lips to wet them again, it always seemed to catch his eye and for a while now he had been hoping to know what it would be like to press his lips against those pale ones.

It was like stealing one of the chocolate decorations on that night's dessert even though Miss Kate had told him not to eat anything otherwise he get a tummy-ache as a kid. And the teen had wanted to taste Gil's chocolate for a long time before finally, after months of inner-battles he had gotten a chance to taste it.

It wasn't anything like he had excepted it to be, it wasn't as sweet as the chocolate he had stolen years ago, it wasn't as passionate as the books told him it would be, but it was as breathtaking as everything he has ever dreamt of, losing your first kiss to someone you wanted to give it to.

Gil had frozen when feeling his master's lips gently press on his, this of course scared the blond away and he actually wanted to lie himself out of it, if not for the younger male to awkwardly blush and say it was fine, _If this is what young master Oz wants then- … well it's fine since it's you of course._ It had sounded like the Vesalius had forced himself onto the person whom carried only one name at that time, the boy's ears started ringing and he had simply smiled awkwardly before getting up, muttering an apology as he quickly left.

They hadn't talked about it for a long time; it kept there, hidden in the back of their heads while conversation with each other like any other normal day. No one knew of that one night, and it was for the best if they kept it like that. For a long time, Oz kept himself up at night thanks to endless stressful thoughts entering his mind. _Gil hadn't wanted this. He had pushed himself onto the boy. He was a horrible master- a horrible human being! _ Yet, the raven treated him like any other day. Oz Vesalius was and would always be his master.

For a long time, neither of them spoke of it…

Until Gilbert brought it up. A blushing and stuttering mess, Oz had asked what he would want as a present and after an hour of complaining that 'I don't need anything' won't cut it, the teen had finally request for a kiss. Needless to say, the Vesalius heir had gazed at Gil with big eyes, _Heeh_. He had nodded, and stopped talking then. For a long time, both just sat there in silence and at that time, the boy wished with a burning passion to have the powers of mind reading, because he wanted to know what Gilbert was thinking at that moment.

Sadly, he never got the chance to find out.

And surely enough, Gil got his present when his birthday almost came to an end, a quick peck on the lips and Oz had given him a mischievous smile before heading to his bedroom, leaving a flustered servant behind.

Many kisses had followed afterwards, and all this time the blond had kept telling himself it was just out of curiosity. This feeling in his stomach that the books described as butterflies was actually just excitement and perhaps a bit of sexual desire. Because honestly, let's face it. They were both two young teenagers, and really there wasn't anyone else their age to experiment on.

Of course, they soon grew tired of just 'kissing', they had been teasing each other for far too long and finally both decided to take the next step. They were clumsy and inexperienced yet it felt great and both desired for more.

Oz didn't deny the fact that he found it fairly amusing to watch Gilbert trying to hide any evidence of what happened the previous night the day after, seeing the teen wearing scarves or turtlenecks during the summer or how his movements were bit more stiff then usual, often he burst out in laughter when Miss Kate asked if the raven was alright and not feeling sick. His personal servant would turn beat-red while trying to explain to Miss Kate he was fine, perhaps just a little bit worn-out, most of his words could not be heard since his awful habit stuttering. At those times, Oz had to hold his stomach from hilarity, no longer being able to breathe.

It was always the Vesalius who started as well, just like he did the most in their relationship, if you could even call this thing they had a relationship since they were both just curious. It was always Gil trying to hide anything the day after, Oz never had to worry about anything for the simple reason Gilbert didn't dare to do anything.

Perhaps he didn't want any of this and was just too scared to reject his master?

No, even though it was Oz who started, Gilbert was always eager to kiss him back, he sometimes even helped his master with undressing, there were also those times those slightly smaller hands would gently caress his skin- there were more then enough times Gil had been eager to do some of the work.

The first and also the last time the raven left evidence behind on his master was the day Oz turned fifteen, it was as if he waited for it, or perhaps it had taken way too long for him to mark Oz as his, as cheesy as the thought sounded, just thinking about it had even made the proud heir feel embarrassed.

When the early morning rays had entered his room, and Gil had come to wake him up while also being the first to wish him a happy birthday, he had leaned down to gently peck Oz on the lips before giving him his present. _Of course I know it isn't much… but please accept this._ He had offered shyly and when unwrapping the present he saw the simple crimson tie. The present itself was lame, but for a servant to even find the time and money without his master noticing to get such a present was much more important to the blond haired teen then what it actually was, -_he had worn the tie that day as well_. _-Only for it to end up in his closet at the Vesalius mansion and no longer being used after everything that had happened. _

Before he got dressed he had wanted to kiss his servant again, only to be delighted when finding out Gil was eager to kiss him back. The raven deepened the kiss while leaning a bit more forward, to be as close as possible to his master, neither the raven nor the heir knew how they ended up in such a position, Oz lying on his back with Gilbert half on top of him, both out of breath and with pink dusted cheeks while gazing into each others eyes. It hadn't been the first time he saw his servant from so close and seeing all those emotions flicker behind those golden orbs, but it was the first time he noticed something else, an emotion he couldn't quite place- _Gil-_

Another kiss,

Again and again.

Until the boy felt his body responding, his servant was teasing him, slowly lifting up the thin fabric of the shirt he slept in so that he could caress the smooth skin hidden underneath it.

Oz had wanted to unbutton his servant's uniform if not for the raven stopping him.

_We really shouldn't… not today._

The heir had huffed in frustration but still nodded, he knew that they couldn't go to far, otherwise they might get discovered. Just imagine the reaction of Miss Kate or Uncle Oscar walk in! God, just thinking about it made the teen almost loose interest.

Almost.

It seemed that Gilbert still wasn't done pleasing his master, gently brushing his lips against the boy's neck, his warm breath made the older teen shudder from delight, before he felt how his friend (_with benefit_s?) placed a wet kiss near his collarbone, before gently sucking on the skin, a soft sigh escaped the heir's lips as he closed his eyes, slightly trembling when a warm tongue licked the red skin. _Hah_- he really wanted to touch Gilbert more then this, wanted to feel his skin, wanted to press their bodies together… but they couldn't.

The moment came to and ends, and after that they didn't get a chance to go further.

Because later that day the Baskervilles attacked and accused him of a sin he didn't know of and threw him into the darkest part of the abyss, a prison meant for sinners, people that had done gruesome things and deserved to be punished… had he really been such a vile person to deserve such punishment?

And thanks to the help of Alice, he found a way out… only to find out ten years had passed since his absence.

* * *

Ten Years.

* * *

_Ten years had passed when he came back;_ Gilbert was no longer the small and timid servant from his memories, and after finding out his true identity he still didn't bring up anything from what happened years ago.

The mark the raven had made was slowly disappearing on his skin and he actually found himself wondering if he'd care at all. After all, their relationship hadn't meant anything right? He was already happy enough to have his friend back by his side, to know he was alright and breathing.

Did Gil already found someone else? Someone else to be curious with… no, Gilbert was a grown man now, if he'd did it, it would no longer be out of curiosity but for a completely different reason.

Was Oz fine with that?

Of course he was.

He gulped away the large lump in his throat and ignored the fact that his heart started aching in his chest and how breathing became more difficult when thinking about this.

But there really was no other way, was there now? Oz was still halfway through his puberty while Gilbert was a grown man, he must have had enough experience by himself

_Gilbert-kun is a Nightray now, Oz-kun. They do everything to get information, even if that would mean sleeping with that person._ He remembered Break once whispering in his ear; those words had send a shiver down his spine while trying to imagine his servant actually going to bed with someone else. _Hah, people do a lot of things to get certain sorts of information. I am more worried of what you could have done to get information out of someone_.

Who was he to judge? After all he went to bed with someone just out of pure curiosity.

He later realized it could have been no one other then Gil, no one else but Gilbert could take that role. He would have never slept with anyone else then the raven; there was no one whom he had held so close to him at that time aside from the timid servant. It was then he also realized that maybe he might have been fooling himself all along.

Was it really just curiosity?

Or had he just been too scared to be loved to ever accept that this fluttering feeling in his stomach wasn't excitement but something completely different?

Perhaps it was time to mention to his valet what had been bothering him for a while now.

"_Do you remember that time… we kissed?" _ Why was it suddenly so hard to talk about it? Why was talking to older Gilbert about such things so much more difficult then talking to his younger servant? Those golden eyes hid so many emotions behind them, the raven no longer showed as much emotions as he used to ten years ago. A cigarette was burning between his pointer and middle finger as he gazed at his slightly blushing servant sitting in front of him. It was one of those rare moments where they got the chance to chat alone, enjoying the end of the day on the balcony of the Rainsworth mansion. Alice had fallen asleep earlier and neither knew where Break and Sharon were hiding. The mansion was large enough, they could be anywhere if not for them having already retired to their bedrooms.

The man breathed out through his nose before tapping some of the burned ash of the cigarette in his ashtray. "Oz," his voice sounded tired and calm, as if explaining to a kid why he couldn't tell him something he wouldn't understand but didn't want to make the child angry.

It made him feel stupid.

The boy muttered a quiet apology before averting his eyes and gazing at the sun that was slowly going down, this wasn't the first time he felt stupid but it did feel worse at a completely different level.

He heard how his valet sighed again, "We were kids," perhaps not the right choice of words, because to Oz, it had only happened a few weeks ago, suddenly he had been thrown into this situation he never asked for and not once had he made the selfish request of going back to how it was.

He didn't even realize his silent wish,

_If the past could not come back, then at least let me still have that one thing back. _

"I-I… well yes, of course. I get that," the teen spoke while leaning on the table, restlessly rubbing the back of his head while avoiding _Raven_'s curious gaze. "It's just… I was curious if you'd still remember- not that it's important of course," he chuckled sadly, furrowing his brows he didn't how hard it was to say this aloud. How often had he lied to himself in his head? Saying this all meant nothing to him? "I mean- of course it wouldn't matter," he rambled on, "We were just curious. That's all… it wasn't like- …it actually meant something." His voice had become soft while slowly looked up to meet Gil's gaze.

The raven-haired male had kept silent this whole time; he extinguished the cigarette in the ashtray before talking, and what came out of his mouth was something the boy had never even dared to dream off, he didn't know he had hoped to hear these words. "What do you mean? '_We were just curious_'?" he asked then,

"Well… I mean- it wasn't like… w-we did it out of- love, right? I mean- right?" did he really sound so desperate as his mind made him believe? He saw his reflection in those beautiful golden orbs and realized that he looked as desperate as he sounded, so he quickly sat up a bit more straight while coughing awkwardly.

"Oz, I could never use _you_ like that." The older male then said, confused, "Did you honestly think I just did it out of curiosity?"

"You didn't then?" he asked, eyes wider then usual.

The raven shook his head in disbelief, noticing how relieved the boy looked when doing so. "I was in _love_ with you,"

_In love with me? _

It sounded so odd and he wondered if he could ever say those words aloud, though those words made him warm inside and he smiled. His moment of joy didn't last for long, "Was…" he whispered softly, gazing at his blurry reflection in the creamy liquid instead, it was starting to get chilly outside and he regretted not listening to his servant and not grabbing a coat.

"Of course, I had to get over those feelings. I couldn't hold onto them, it would be wrong."

"How so?"

Another sigh, Gilbert sighed a lot now that he was older. It made the boy feel unintelligent, as if the man knew things he didn't. "Well as I grew up I started to realize that it's inappropriate for two males to be in such relationship not to mention you're my master," he spoke, "Also, _Oz_. You're too young."

Too young, both males… something about them being master and servant as well.

That's what was holding Gilbert back from loving him once again? Or were those simple excuses? Perhaps those feelings had just ebbed away, he must have found out Oz wasn't nearly as fascinating as he thought he was. Perhaps as he grew up and got to know other people, he realized how inexperienced the teen really was. "Say… if you'd ignore those three things… would you still…?"

"Love you?" the man asked, their tea was getting cold but neither seemed to care, both too focused on each other, the hint of a smile appeared on his valet's features. "Yeah… I guess I never really got over it, I just… ignored those feelings until I had convinced myself they were no longer there."

"Then do you think we could…" _could what? _Go back? How ridiculous did that sound?

"I don't think so…"

"Is it really just because I'm a- a boy?" hah, it sounded so odd to ask. He couldn't even remember once batting an eye at the fact that Gil was indeed another male, it had made everything so more exciting. What made it so good was now the reason it couldn't last?

"That and you're too young,"

"I- we… but… I know what I'm doing…" was the weak protest,

"You _think_ you know what you're doing. Oz, you do know that it would be completely different now, right?"

"Different, how?" he asked confused, he was getting desperate. Would it have been the old him, he would have dropped the subject a long time ago, but the people he knew now had taught him so much, Elliot had taught him to be a bit more selfish… to care more about himself, and he really wanted to be selfish now. Wanted to have Gilbert back as more then just friends, this time admitting his true feelings to himself. Would they spend the night together now? Gilbert had always left afterwards, he as a servant was allowed to help Oz get into bed but as a master, it would have been improper to accompany his servant to his bedroom.

Another sigh, "Just try to forget it," he wanted to lit up a new cigarette but instead just gazed at it, before putting it back in the small box with another sigh.

But he didn't want to forget, yet the boy still nodded. Letting his chin rest on the palm of his head, instead of gazing at his friend, he decided to just gaze at his hands as he tapped the table, pretending to be bored.

He then felt the familiar weight of the raven's hat on his head and couldn't help but smile softly, _heh_. Who cares, right? He had Gil back by his side, that's all that mattered.

His friend got up from his seat and put the cups back on the tray, "Lets get back inside before you catch a cold,"

"Just a little longer…" the boy placed his hand on the young man gloved ones, "Let's just stay like this for a little longer…" for now, he wanted to enjoy this peaceful moment a little longer, in only a few hours a new day would come, perhaps Pandora would send them on another mission, perhaps Break would send them on another errand… but for now he wanted to spend what was rest of this day with Gilbert. For once, he didn't want Alice by his side, neither Sharon nor Break.

Just Gil.

He felt how Raven softly squeezed in his hand before pulling his back and sitting down again,

"You've matured quite a bit, hm." Oz then sang happily,

The raven breathed out a chuckle when hearing this, "Honestly, you're still as bratty as ever,"

Oz laughed when hearing this, he then placed his hand on the table again, reaching out towards the Nightray, hoping he'd get the hint.

And the teen was more then happy to see he did, because the man smiled regretfully, then shook his head, yet he still accepted the hand. Gently caressing his thumb while gazing at it lovingly.

"Why do you always wear those?" the boy asked curiously, gazing at their hands,

Gil let the teen wait a while before answering, "…For reasons,"

"Could you… remove them?" he asked, knowing the moment was shattered as soon as he asked this. Because Raven pulled his hand back and shook his head, getting up once again, "Come on, it's time to get inside."

But the boy shook his head, "You go, I want to stay."

"Oz," the man sighed, not pleased by this answer. Yet the boy refused to get up, so he rolled his eyes and shrugged of his coat, walking around the table he put the piece of clothing on the smaller male's shoulder. "I'll get some more tea for you," he mumbled before walking away.

"I'll wait here…" the teen offered him a soft smile, letting his head rest on the table, he sighed while breathing in the scent of Gil's coat. His scent was different as well; he no longer smelled of soap, it was now a mixture of nicotine, coffee and gunpowder. Was there still something left of the little Gil he once knew? The boy wondered sadly.


	2. Chapter 2: Words Of Advise From A Friend

**Tadaa. Not a one-shot like some of you guys thought ^^ although this story will be short, I'm thinking... One or two more chapters- maybe three, and then it's done. ^^ The next chapter will be more fun for me to write, so hopefully I'll update faster then! ^^**

**I do not own Pandora Hearts. **

**Reviews make my day as does an saying: email that say 'Xxx added this to their favorite/alert) ^^ **

* * *

He had been rejected.

That was all that really got through the boy, it was what kept him up at night and what made him stay just a little bit longer in bed than usual the next day. And it didn't even feel like years ago- ... When his own father had rejected him as his own son. This one felt cold and spread slowly through his whole body. It was strange how calmly he took it, he didn't have the urge to burst out in tears, neither did he get angry or did he start questioning 'why'. He didn't blame anyone for this either, this wasn't Gil's fault- if there was someone to blame, it must be him? Yet even that did not sound logical to his ears.

It was an odd sort of thing, would it always be like this? Putting all your hopes up, showing that person a vulnerable side of you and then when you get rejected- it just felt like you jumped into an ice-cold pool of water and kept sinking down to the bottom while not even trying to swim out of the cold water.

He acted like the next day was like any other, perhaps he'd avoided Gil's gaze a bit more than usual while he tried to have normal conversations with Alice. The girl wasn't stupid though, she noticed something was going on between the two males, and at first she simply kept her mouth shut. Simply happy to have her 'manservant' by her side without that stupid seaweed-head always interrupting them and asking for Oz's attention, something the young blond was always happy to do so. But now it was different, and the girl smirked proudly when her eyes met said seaweed brain, she was even in a better mood when Raven glared at her yet kept his mouth shut because otherwise Oz would have to step in to make them stop fighting and it seemed that he was not in the mood to talk to Oz either.

It wasn't like they had fought, that much was obvious to the girl. The atmosphere around them was awkward; if one of them would start talking to one another it would be like walking on thin ice, she concluded. Both felt guilty in each other's presence for some reasons, it was like a competition. Who could feel the guiltiest? Gil won. Because at the end of the day there was nothing left of that guilt in her manservant, instead he just sort of spaced out and kept gazing at nothing in particular. Alice would lose her patience and kick him, then he'd laugh and apologize and all would be good for a while until Oz did the same thing again so that the chain had to kick him once again.

Until finally she had enough of it, "So what's going between you and the seaweed?" she asked, trying to make it sound as casual as possible while eating from an apple, since it was late and Sharon had refused to go ask the cook to prepare some meat, so instead she had to eat the fruit.

"Eh?" Oz sounded a bit confused, but then realization hit him and his eyes widened before a small smile appeared on his face and he sighed while letting his chin rest on the palm of his head, between them was a game of chess, the boy had tried to explain the game to her but after a good five minutes she had already lost interest so they had just talked.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Something's wrong with you two. The clown and Sharon have noticed it as well. So tell me. I as your master have the right to know." she was good at hiding that she actually cared, but of course Oz easily saw through her, he smiled kindly at her, not realizing this made her heart skip a beat. She was still not used to so much kindness after living for so long in the Abyss.

"A-ah, hah." The boy laughed awkwardly, "What did they say then?"

"I didn't listen." She shrugged nonchalantly, "I wanted to hear it from you."

"I see," he nodded while starting to put the chess pieces back into the board; they weren't going to play anyway so why bother gazing at it?

"Well?"

"Well…." He hummed, "I guess Gil and I just have to sort some things out between us." He then said, realizing how it sounded like he was trying to explain to a five year old that it wasn't actually their business and that they would never understand. Alice was not a five year old and he was sure that if he explained it to her she'd understand. But it was just admitting that he had hoped to be in a serious relationship with Gil sounded so ridiculous now. He felt silly just thinking that he could have been so stupid to even _think_ Gilbert, a handsome young man that had a promising future ahead of him would accept him. Gilbert had told his three reasons,_ three reasons_ why they could not be together, but if you'd really thought about it… the list was actually endless.

"What sort of thing, then?" the smile he had was different then the others, it was painful, yet not forced either, like Oz somehow found something amusing in his sorrow. Alice furrowed her brows, now would be the perfect time to bite his cheek, right?

But her manservant wasn't paying any attention to her anymore; he had his head turned to the left, gazing at the window that had been left open. The girl saw how the wind coming from outside gently ruffled his short hair, he looked like the guy from Sharon's books right then. And the only way to cheer the men from Sharon's book up was when they got a bitten in their cheeks by a girl. So she decided to brighten up his mood a little, pushing the chessboard out of her way. Moving just a bit closer so that she could bite his cheek-

Oz chuckled softly when he felt her breath on his cheeks, almost there to bite- but his hand gently rested on her shoulder and tried to push her away, "Alice, you can't do that sort of stuff to people." He then sighed,

"Shut-up!" honestly, he was pissing her off with that gloomy aura around him. _Seaweed head_. Always seaweed head. They both lost their balance and fell, Alice on top of her manservant; Oz tried to gently push her off him, but eventually gave up while turning his head again, away from her- probably thinking about that seaweed head again. She grumbled and leaned down to bite his cheek- "Say Alice-" tiny mistake when Oz suddenly turned to face her again right when her lips should have touched his cheek so that instead they landed on _his_.

Well.

That didn't go as planned.

Both teens were frozen for a while, just gazing into each other's eyes before Alice eventually pulled back. "Y-you turned your head! I was supposed to bite your cheek!" she screamed and then kicked him in the gut. The girl crossed her arms and turned her back to her suffering friend whom was muttering an apology while holding his stomach. But then she furrowed her brows- was it really biting that cheered up the men from Sharon's book?

Raven's scents was around Oz, it made her feel sick. Now that she had been so close she could smell him, the smell of nicotine, coffee gunpowder mixed with the sweet chocolate scent Oz always had around him. "You and Raven…" she then spoke, "What exactly... is bothering you two?"

Looking over her shoulder at the boy, he was still lying on the ground, arms wrapped around his stomach but a smile appeared on his face again. "I tried to fix something from the past that didn't need to be fixed- at least… not for Gil."

"Really?" Alice hummed, "It doesn't look like that all."

"Eh?" the boy looked up, confused.

"Well, you both have this very gloomy aura around you." The girl tried to explain herself, "And you both feel guilty about something. Honestly," she made a soft clicking noise with her tongue; her apple lay forgotten on the ground, "You two are probably sulking over the same thing. Is that some kind of game?" she then asked a bit tired. She honestly had no idea if this was even what Oz wanted to hear; yet he did not interrupt her so the girl simply kept talking. "The thing you want…. Is probably exactly what he wants." She then concluded.

For a long time, her friend was silent. Making her wonder if she might have said something wrong, but Oz then nodded. "Perhaps you might be right. Thank you Alice."

"You're still sulking though," she grumbled, "Want me to bite your cheek properly now?"

"No, I think I'm good." He laughed and sat up straight, gently patting her head before he got up and dusted himself off. Reaching his hand out to Alice so that he could help her with standing up, but she refused and stood up herself. Her movements were actually very elegant if you paid attention to her, it seemed so up of character how gracefully the girl could sit up and making sure her short skirt did not reveal too much. Alice was a beautiful girl, he then smiled. Feeling kind of sad. Why couldn't he have fallen for her? She was a wonderful person, someone he cared about dearly, yet she did not make his heart beat faster like Gil, she didn't make him slightly nervous and afraid to screw up in front of her. He was at complete ease around her- perhaps that's was the reason why he could not fall in love with her? Perhaps he needed someone to keep him uncomfortable once in a while.

He truly was a masochist.

* * *

The next day, he tried to behave normal around Gil. But of course, leave it to the young man to mess it up, he knew the three other people at the table were keeping an eye on him when he took the seat next to his friend and said 'good morning'. Both Sharon and Break laughed when the raven awkwardly muttered something while avoiding eye contact, and Alice simply rolled her eyes in annoyance.

It seemed that that day would be a peaceful one as well, Pandora had no new mission for them- in fact, Pandora wanted them to keep as far away as possible from trouble and it seemed that for once Break was actually listening to his higher up and did not send them on any errands for his own benefit either. Alice decided to help her manservant a little and started a conversation with him, one that seaweed could easily join- yet he did not pay attention. He was just gazing around like Oz had done yesterday.

A few times Oz actually did try to pull him in the conversation, but the man's answers were short and simple, proving to them, he wasn't paying much attention so at the end they simply gave him up.

"My, my what an awkward situation." Break hummed, "Even Alice-kun seems to have noticed something is off…" both Oz and Gil froze when he said this, "With breakfast," the clown then joked, "Don't you agree the muffins taste a bit salty?"

"_Hoh_," the girl smirked, "I'm impressed, clown." She said, "Your taste buds aren't as rotten as I thought they are."

"How rude," the man laughed,

That's when Gilbert abruptly decided to get up, surprising the other people sitting at the table. The man mumbled something about Vincent having called him and that he'd head to the Pandora headquarters to meet up with his brother there. "Can I come as well?" if it was Pandora, then there would be no problem with him accompanying his friend. The look he got from Gilbert told him otherwise, "No." was the flat out answer as he left,

Sharon stood up as well when Gil was gone, "What is going on?... What ever is going on, Oz-sama?" she grabbed both his hands, eyes wide and shining bright with excitement. "What is this refreshing distance I see between the two of you?"

"You don't have to say it with such relish…" Oz groaned, not happy about the fact that those two only found it amusing to see him suffer so much. But hey, that's why you have friends, huh?

"Well, it's obvious right," Break hummed while stealing food from Alice's plate, not to the girl's likening. She would have stabbed him with her fork if not for Break's fast reflexes, instead he tried to steal from Sharon. "Break." The girl said in that sweet-sugar-coated voice of hers, making the white haired man freeze on his spot with a smile frozen on his face. "Don't you dare." She sang.

For a second Oz thought she'd be too busy to keep an eye on Break, but only a fool would try to steal the food from her plate anyway, so Break just sat down and started nibbling on a piece of cake while Sharon went back to looking at Oz. "Now, do tell me everything."

Crap. He needed to talk himself out of this. "Ah well, you see, Sharon-chan-"

"Oz-sama. I have Eques. Don't you dare try talking yourself out of this."

"Wah she noticed," the boy chuckled. The smile faded away, though, "It's nothing though…"

"It's something seaweed head and Oz have to work out for themselves," Alice then repeated the words her manservant had said; she even surprised Break by saying this. Yet just by the expression on her face, it was easy to tell she had no clue what she was in fact talking about. So, Sharon turned to face the poor blond again, her smile a bit scarier than usual.

He was going to die if he didn't at least tell her _something_. "Say Sharon-chan," he spoke, gazing at their hands, the girl quickly let go of his, a bit flustered but she remained cool while waiting for Oz to continue. "Has… Gil ever dated someone, in these past ten years?"

"Gilbert?" she glanced at Break, not sure if she should answer.

"He has," Break nodded, "Gilbert-kun is a Nightray after all, did you know he has had 29 marriage proposals by now?"

"Gilbert is quite a handsome young man after all," Sharon nodded, but then noticed the slightly gloomy expression on her friend's face, "And you're- you're an ador- handsome young man as well. You'd and Gilbert makes the perfect match- ah-" perhaps she shouldn't have said that?

Oz laughed when hearing this, "I see…? Thanks, Sharon-chan." he chuckled,

The girl sighed.

"Though the longest he has been in a relationship was two months…" Break hummed while drinking from his tea, "And not once has Gilbert-kun fallen in love with those people. He only went out with them because they knew things we could use to get _you_ out of the abyss."

_To get you out of the abyss._ "Gil… has never been in love in those ten years?" he asked a bit confused,

Break shook his head, "You were all that was on his mind, really. Everything he did in those ten years was to get you back."

Sharon nodded, "Romantic, isn't it?"

What was romantic about it? Gil had just done what he as well would have done for his friend. If Alice would somehow fall back into the abyss, he would do everything he could to get her out again. That's what friends do after all?

"You don't seem to understand Oz-sama," Sharon said, as if she had read his mind. "You mean a lot to him, he's just too scared to take you back."

"Why is he scared?" Alice asked puzzled,

"Because to him, Oz is like a fragile doll that could break any moment if touched." Break joked, Sharon had enough of his sly comments and finally grabbed her fan to hit him hard on the head. Three times. This kept the man quiet long enough for her to finish talking. "He thinks he's not worthy." She explained, "He doesn't want to burden you with his emotions."

Oz looked as puzzled as Alice, which made this moment even cuter. The young woman trapped in the body of a girl chuckled, "Not to mention things would be different now that Gilbert is a grown man."

"I-I see…" Oz then nodded, _well that wasn't awkward at all_… he took a deep breath while leaning against the back of his chair, taking in all Sharon has said.

"Have you been in a relationship with seaweed-head?!" Alice then suddenly asked, her voice louder than usual as she gazed with big eyes at Oz, as if he had done something very disgusting.

The three other people sitting at the table burst out in laughter, leave it to Alice to lighten up the mood.

Naturally the girl didn't understand what was so funny, and neither Sharon, Break nor Oz tried to explain it to her… they apologized though when she started to get irritated.

The rest of that day was calm and perhaps a bit boring, since the weather was nice outside, they all decided to just spend their time in the garden. Even lady Shelly decided to enjoy the warm summer and read a book.

The two Rainsworth women were the first to retire to their rooms, followed by Break who at some point simply disappeared and when Alice wanted to go to bed as well, she didn't complain when Oz told her to go ahead. He wanted to talk with Gilbert once he'd come back.

And so he waited…

And waited.

Until the clock said it was past midnight.

And he started dozing off in the large hallway…

He did not have a chance to talk to Gilbert that day.

The next day he woke up in his bedroom, using a certain someone's jacket as a blanket.


	3. Chapter 3: Chocolate Kiss

**Sorry for the wait! The plan was originally to make this story 4 chapters long, but when writing this chapter, I realized it was going to be longer than I thought. So split it in two... Making the story longer than it was supposed to be and now I have more work. (BAH! Dx) -joking, joking. I enjoy writing! And it's fun to write a light story once in a while with not much plot- **

**This story was beta-read by the lovely: Luscinia's Lullaby**

**I do not own Pandora Hearts. **

* * *

He had asked Gilbert if they could talk.  
Right before the man had headed off to Pandora with Break, he had grabbed his sleeve, looked straight into those golden eyes and asked if they could talk.

Talk.

The boy's heart was beating ten times as fast as usual, it was loud- he honestly wouldn't be surprised if Alice were to kick open the door and tell him to shut the hell up because all the noise his heart was making was keeping her awake.

But she didn't.

So Oz was left alone in one of the many rooms of the Rainsworth mansion, waiting for his servant to return so that they could talk. And what did Oz even want to talk about? He wanted to talk about_ this_… this awkwardness between them. Gilbert had been acting differently around him since that one night he confessed he might have feelings for the young raven. God, he felt so stupid. The boy sighed and finally decided to sit down, instead gazing into the fire. Gazing at the flames licking the air- hah, Oz couldn't sit still. He didn't even know what was making him so nervous. "Relax, it's just Gil." He told himself while taking a deep breath. It was just Gilbert, they had been friends for so long. There really wasn't any good reason for him to be so nervous.

Yet why did it feel like he was going to throw up any second now? The teen tapped his knee with his left ring finger. His hands were trembling and clammy- he needed air.

Oz then got up, no longer being able to stand in the room. Luckily, this one was linked to a small balcony, it wasn't as big as the one in the private dining room where they usually had dinner, but it was more than enough. He needed some fresh air. As soon as he opened the doors, he sighed in relief as the cool wind hit his skin. Then, leaning back against the balustrade, he gazed up at the sky.

He was making a big deal out of nothing. He just wanted to talk about the past week, why Gil had been avoiding him and if they could just ignore everything that had happened. Let's just forget about his confession, about what they did weeks- no, ten years ago.

He didn't want that.

The boy then realized, his heart was aching in his chest and there was a huge lump in his throat. After all, Oz had finally realized that all those things he had done weren't out of curiosity. No, he had been in love with Gilbert. Something that had never even crossed his mind, because he thought he didn't deserve it. And Gil- Gil had loved him back. Just thinking about it made him feel warm inside, it was a nice feeling. Knowing someone actually saw you in that way. Oz, then shook his head. No. He shouldn't be thinking about such things at all, after all Gilbert had made it clear that he did not have those feelings for him anymore- no, he told him that he could have loved him if it weren't for Oz being a guy, his master and being so young… the list was probably endless he then thought.

There was no need to talk some hope into himself, there was no way the raven was going to love him again. There was no way he would ever get the chance to kiss-

There was that hollow feeling again, like something was missing. It hurt… more than when his father rejected him. He felt like crying, but he shook his head. Now wasn't the time to cry- besides, he'd only look like a spoiled five year old that didn't get what he wanted if he burst into tears right now.

The heir ran a hand through his hair and sighed again, wiping away a tear that had threatened to escape his eyes without his permission, while walking back into the room. He began to pace around.

What was he going to tell Gil anyway?

He halted. The young Vesalius hadn't thought about that at all, he had asked the raven if they could talk, but didn't even know what to say to him. "Hah, what should I do?" he asked the room. Of course, there was no response.

Oz then decided he hated waiting.

It was nerve wracking.

This couldn't be healthy, right?

Ten years ago, he would have decided to put the blame on Gil. Bully him about it, and while that didn't make him feel any better, it made him forget for a while. Could he even forget about this? He shivered when a cold breeze entered the room through the open window.

The teen turned around so that he could close it, only to freeze when he heard that familiar voice call him by his name, Gilbert had entered the room as soon as Oz had turned his back to the door that led to the hallway. The young man had seen how the cold wind had ruffled his short blond hair- he saw how the boy froze for a few seconds when he said his name before he turned around again. "Ah Gil!" he said a bit louder than usual,

"It's really late," the young man sighed while nodding towards the clock that hung above the fireplace, "You've stayed up late before to talk to me," his voice was calm, which didn't make it any easier for Oz. But only a fool wouldn't notice the young man was simply trying to hide how nervous he really was, he was probably thinking something like 'Have I upset my master?'.

"Y-yes, but since I don't know if you'll be heading to Pandora tomorrow as well- I decided, to talk to you now."

Silence.

Silence.

Until it became awkward and Oz had to look away, gesturing nervously towards the sofa where he had sat on. "Let's sit down, then." he muttered awkwardly,

Raven hesitated, but then followed the boy towards the sofa and sat down. His whole posture said enough, Gilbert was waiting to get scolded for having done something wrong.

"I'm not angry at you," Oz chuckled; he smiled when seeing his servant relax a bit. "Rather… this is probably, my fault." He added while scratching the back of his head, "I shouldn't have brought something up from the past that didn't need to be brought up- I made you feel uncomfortable and…." He lowered his gaze while sighing, "I am sorry for that. I won't bring it up again- so… all I'm asking is if we could just return to being friends."

Silence.

Silence.

Until it became awkward

"At least say something!" he got a bit annoyed and actually wanted to punch his servant in the face, even though he was against violence. Well, it wouldn't be the first time he punched some sense in the man, he had done it Sablier and was about ready to do it again.

"I see…" the man then finally spoke. Of all things he could have said. "I upset you, didn't I?"

"Ah…" well it's true, he had been upset about the distance between them, but this wasn't Gil's fault, right? "Well… I can't say I was okay with it…." He muttered uneasily. "But- let's just forget about it!" he looked up and saw the surprised expression on his valet's face, "Please… can't we return to being friends? I promise I won't talk about it! None of this ever- hap….pen…ed…." he stopped talking when seeing the pained expression on the young man's face, Gil had to look away while hiding his mouth behind a slightly curled up fist. "Or… is it… that you can't forget?"-_either_? Oz then asked softly, almost too afraid to even ask. The boy had always been sensitive to lies. All Gil needed to do was say 'yes' or 'no' and he'd know the truth.

But he didn't say anything for a long time,

So Oz waited… and waited.

And waited….

He could hear the clock ticking in the background and when a cold breeze made him shiver once again, he realized he had left another window open. But the blond didn't dare to move, he just kept gazing at Gilbert… until finally, the man looked up. A pair of golden eyes looked straight into his- making a shiver run down his spine. The boy took a deep breath, the gaze made him feel uncomfortable and he'd rather run away now than stay. Too afraid of what Gil's answer would be.

Ridiculous.

He felt ridiculous.

"Gil?" he finally managed to whisper his valet's name, the name alone made his stomach twist- he really was going to throw up. Why did things have to be so complicated? He remembered Alice asking him this once, "Why do you guys have to make everything so complicated? The only reason why this whole relationship thing is so messed up is because you make it like that!" Honestly, Alice. He didn't know.

It seemed that he wasn't the only one thinking so much, Gilbert had been thinking about things too- he made an annoyed clicking noise with his tongue, muttered something under his breath that very much sounded like a 'Stupid', before lifting up his arm and gently caressing Oz's right cheek. The boy shivered when his gloved hand brushed over his ear, before it stopped when it was softly curled around the back of his neck and he felt the man pulling him closer- Wha…? He was losing his balance, and Gil's other arm was there to catch him, hugging him close to his chest before he pressed his lips against Oz's.

He was going to throw up.

The boy pulled him even closer; well… it was a nice feeling. Like a thousand butterflies were fluttering around inside his stomach as he kissed Gil. It was different than in his memories, he tasted different and didn't let his master take control over the kiss. No, this was just kissing. Oz didn't even have to will to do anything; having turned into jelly as he let the man deepen the kiss. He was getting dizzy- god he was going to faint! Air, he needed air! But at the same time he didn't- he needed Gil. The man hugged him closer, so close that it hurt. But he didn't care; he wanted to be closer. He grabbed a hold of the man's jacket as if his life was depending on it.

He was suffocating.

God- he truly was a masochist.

Gilbert's gloved hand was gently caressing his ear again. Where were those cold breezes now? The boy's face felt hot- _please don't tell me_- he was blushing!

Hah, finally Gil pulled back, so that the boy could take a deep breath, this was bad. He was gasping for air like a fish on land, he probably looked like a complete idiot while his valet didn't even seem to be out of breath. This was the worst.

"Ah, sorry- I shouldn't have… Oz, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he nodded and looked up to meet those golden eyes, his own eyes were burning. Oh god, he was going to cry. "I'm fine," he didn't even know why he suddenly started smiling, he was happy. He wanted to do that again- luckily Gil understood. The man's smile wasn't as wide as Oz's, but it sure as hell would have made anyone's heart flutter.

And the raven kissed him again, and again… and again, until it felt like there was no air left inside of his lungs, yet that didn't stop him, pulling his servant even closer into the kiss. He didn't even notice it when the young man had pushed him down on his back, he didn't notice the pillows that had fallen off the sofa because of him… the boy felt like he was on fire.

Later he would look back at this situation and realize that his stupid hormones had already done something down there just from kissing, he would have realized he made all those embarrassing sounds, he would have realized he had been drooling, and god just imagine the embarrassing expression on his face!

Who could blame him though? He was a teenager for crying out loud! He would later defend himself.

And then he would realize what both Sharon and Gil had meant with things being different now; Because Oz was only a teenager and Gil an adult. Ten years ago, those things they did out of 'curiosity' never lasted that long, they had been young- just kissing had made them hard.

This was different… Gilbert was different. The way he kissed Oz was different- everything was different yet… it also felt familiar. Gilbert's scent was all around him, coffee mixed with gunpowder and cigarettes.

"Gil…" he panted between the kisses, the raven was gazing at him with those golden eyes, with a look the boy had never seen before- he gulped, oh god. Where was this even going? He kissed him again, his fingers tangled in the Nightray's black curls.

Apparently, he was never going to find out how far they would have gotten that night, because that's when Alice burst through the door, her hair was a mess and she was wearing her night robe. "Oz!"

"Alice-san I told you to wait-" Sharon then came in running as well, she didn't look much better than Alice, as if the girls had just woken up and ran straight to this room. Which was basically what happened.

Alice had heard the noise her contractor had been making; it wasn't a secret her ears were better than humans. Her room was only three doors away, the brunette had woken up in the middle of the night because she had gotten hungry and when the girl walked past this door she had heard the sounds Oz was making. Since Sharon had scolded her before for running into a situation that could be dangerous, she had ran straight to her 'big sister's' room to tell her Oz was in pain.

Which led them to this awkward situation.

"Oh my…." Sharon covered her mouth with both hands,

"W-what's going on? Oi seaweed head get off Oz! You're choking him!" Alice demanded while pointing an accusing finger at said 'seaweed-head'.

This was probably the most awkward situation ever, Oz thought while hiding his face behind both his hands.

Of course, that's when Break decided to take a look as well, "My, my, " the hatter sang while leaning against the doorway, towering above Sharon with an amused smile. Even he was dressed to get to bed, "And here I thought you'd told us that you wouldn't take away Oz's innocence," the clown then joked.

"B-Break!" a very flustered Gilbert shouted,

"Hey, don't ignore me!" Alice then shouted,

This of course caused the boy beneath the young man to make a soft sound of embarrassment, this was too much. He wanted to be alone now, crawl under the biggest rock possible and never come out.

"Well, we should probably celebrate everything turned out fine," Sharon then laughed, "Come on, Alice. Let's go back to bed." She gently pulled the girl back to the doorway,

"What- but, he-he's chocking Oz! I heard him! He was in pain!"

Break burst out in laughter when hearing this, "Oh dear Alice-kun, I'm pretty sure Oz-kun wasn't in any pain. As a matter of fact, he was probably enjoying it a bit too much, seeing from the tent in his pants."

Oh, just kill him. Right then and there. Just do it and make it quick. He was going to throw up-

"Let's go, Break." Sharon said in a very scary tone, "Don't bother those two." She pushed the two out the room, "We apologize Oz-sama, Gilbert-san." She smiled while blushing, "Well then… good night." The girl quickly bowed and closed the door behind her.

Silence.

Awkward silence.

Gilbert sighed while crawling off the embarrassed boy. "That was….- Oz?"

"I'm going to throw up," the boy muttered softly, he grabbed one of the pillows that hadn't fallen off the sofa yet and hid his face behind it.

The Nightray laughed when seeing this sort of reaction coming from his master, this sure was an unexpected thing to witness, his master looked absolutely adorable when doing this. He wondered how Oz would react if he told him that. He was already in such bad state. "This is the worst," the boy then added.

"Let's just go to bed then,"

The boy nodded and sat up, there was that cold breeze again- "You know…." He then hummed, the hint of a blush still visible on his face as he gazed at the window that had been left open, it was actually a beautiful night, too bad he had been too busy worrying for nothing so hadn't paid attention to it. "At least we don't have to go through the trouble of telling them," he chuckled awkwardly.

.

Gilbert gazed at him with big eyes, before turning his back towards the teen that had tried to make the best out of this horrible situation. Because god- now he was blushing. He needed a cigarette.

Crap- he left them at Pandora.

The young man then turned around again so that he could face the teen, not even surprised when he saw that Oz had already been gazing at him, those emerald colored eyes turned soft and the blond boy smiled kindly at him. A smile he hadn't seen that often, it made the young man's heart beat ten times faster- he felt like a fool for not doing this sooner. But really, there were more than enough reasons to not do this at all… _if only Oz weren't so addicting_. The Vesalius probably didn't even know what effect he had on the raven, if only he knew how hard it had been for Gil to even reject him that day- perhaps he should regret giving in so easily. But he couldn't find it in himself to try and stop as he sat down next to the boy again, lifting his chin up with just his pointer finger, and musing at how easily Oz let his hands guide him- how the boy just gave in and closed his eyes as he kissed him once again. A soft and tender kiss this time, nothing too much for his poor teenage body to handle. He should have thought about that, should have known how one's body could easily betray you when doing such things. Especially when you're going through puberty.

Hah, he truly was the worst.

But if Oz would take him this way- then, who was he to complain?

* * *

How long could you stay in bed without anyone noticing you were absent during breakfast? Oz wondered while gazing at the ceiling of his bedroom in the Rainsworth manor. Because, of course he hadn't forgotten about what happened the previous day! He sighed while pushing the bed sheets off his body while sitting up, a part of him wanted it to be a dream- then he wouldn't have to worry about what his friends would say as soon as he entered the dining room where they all met for breakfast.

But then again, if yesterday was a dream that would mean he and Gil hadn't kissed. The teen groaned, this was the highlight of being blissful and miserable at the same time. Was it odd for him to wonder why Gilbert had even done that? Kissing him like that- the boy touched his lips as he thought about what happened last night. He was sure he had been rejected; yesterday they were meant to talk about the awkwardness and pretend nothing had happened at all. How did it turn out like this? Not that he was complaining of course! The boy just couldn't help but wonder what had made the raven change his mind?

Had Gil perhaps felt guilty for rejecting him? Had the Nightray kissed him for the simple reason that he could not stand seeing his master upset about getting rejected? No. He was making this up, right? Gilbert wasn't the type to kiss someone without a good reason- ah, he shut his eyes. Break had already explained to him that as Raven, he had done many things in the name of the Nightray household.

This was ridiculous. He was being an idiot. The teen crawled out of the bed and got ready for the day, choosing a simple outfit before he went into the bathroom to clean himself up.

Time goes by fast when you're lost in thoughts, he hadn't even noticed when he had gotten ready, neither had he heard someone entering his room while he was in the bathroom.

So when he walked back into his room, he was surprised to see Alice and Gil arguing about something probably ridiculous again, as if nothing had happened at all last night.

"Yuk!" the girl then covered her nose with her hands while stepping away from both Oz and Gil, "You two smell like each other. Go take a shower again. I don't want my manservant to smell like a seaweed head."

"Shut-up you stupid rabbit!" the man glared at her,

And Oz was honestly thinking about going back into the bathroom to get washed again. Was the scent that obvious? Great, now he was blushing again! The boy tried to subtly sniff his clothes, but Gil rolled his eyes, "She's obviously lying," he gently ruffled the teen's short blond hair,

"Am not!" Alice protested, "Ugh, nevermind." She held up her nose in the air while she crossed her arms, clearly not amused. "Let's just go, I'm hungry."

"Sure… let's go." The boy nodded and quickly left his servant's side to walk next to Alice, a bit too embarrassed to even look at the young man. Luckily, his valet understood his master was having some difficulties so he didn't complain and just silently walked alongside the two teenagers.

Alice dropped the subject of them carrying around each other's scent and instead just talked about Break being annoying again.

Break and Sharon were a whole other story, of course. Sharon wasn't even trying to hide how happy she was to have a couple inside her house, not even bothered by the fact that they were both males. As she just grabbed both Oz's hands as soon as he entered the room and told him with sparkling eyes, he could always rely on her if he wanted to know something.

"So feel free to go to her whenever you decide to take things further and want to know how to do it from be-" _hind._

"Break. That's enough." Sharon said while not breaking eye contact with the poor boy that had practically frozen. And he wasn't the only one, Gilbert had been ready to sit down if not for the hatter's stupid comment so he shot a glare at the albino who had stopped talking as soon as Sharon told him so, a smile plastered on his face. It was obvious the young Rainsworth did not tolerate that kind of language during breakfast.

"What does he mean with 'be'?" of course, Alice had to ask. Not being able to follow this ridiculous conversation. In her opinion, that is.

"Ah my, Alice-kun doesn't know of course. Allow me to explain," he smiled behind his too long white sleeves, "Because you see, my dear Alice-kun, when a man and a man really, really love each other they have-" the clueless chain never got to hear the rest of the sentence because Break was cut off by not one, but three people at the same time.

"Break!" shouted a very flustered Gilbert,

"Don't tell her that!" Oz said at the same time,

And Sharon shut him up by throwing her fan at him,

"They have what!?" Alice clearly did not like this, still not knowing what happens when two men really, really love each other.

"Nothing, my dear Alice!" Sharon laughed quickly, "L-Let's all have dinner- I mean, lunch-"

"Breakfast, milady." Break corrected her while rubbing his forehead in amusement,

"_Masochist_," the three friends thought, while Sharon gave the man one last warning look.

You'd think after that, the clown would have dropped the subject. Sadly, he didn't, it only took a good five minutes before he brought it up again whilst reading the newspaper. "Ah, my, my. This is an interesting article." Just the way he said it made warning bells go off. They all glanced at each other, as if asking, "Do we dare to ask?" without words, and so it was Alice that found the courage to ask the clown, as she so liked to call him, what made the article so interesting.

"This article is about a man whom thought his sister was being murdered, only for him to find her doing it with her husband in the living room."

'Can I kill him?' Gilbert seemed to ask his lover, the poor teenager was blushing again while telling his servant 'Not in public'.

"What's '_it_'?"

"Well my dear Alice-kun-"

"Don't tell her that!" Oz said quickly,

"Break!"

And this conversation ended once again with Break on the floor with a new bruise on his head while Sharon casually drank her tea with a fan resting in her lap.

"S-scary…." Alice managed to utter while subtly moving a bit further away from the dangerous woman, even Oz and Gil stayed awfully quiet after that.

Today, was going to be a long day.


End file.
